In pictures of our daughter’s recent wedding, everyone looks happy and relaxed, not a care in the world. But trust me, just days before the wedding, high-stakes drama was unfolding. Literally. It started with table linens. Once our daughter, Parker, discovered how expensive it was to rent them, she decided to buy them herself. However, […]
Marital Mayhem: Part 1: The Fluffers Read More »
An ode to shopping for a Mother of the Bride Dress: One dress, two dress, red dress, blue dress, I went shopping for a new dress. This one has a big, pink bow, In this, I look like cookie dough. This one is much too white, The bride will say, “Not alright!” This dress looks
One Dress, Two Dress, Red Dress, Blue Dress Read More »
After almost 37 years of marriage, the inevitable has happened… My husband, Steve, has a new love interest. I’m not completely shocked since he’s been pining after this steamy temptress for years. But what’s surprising is what she looks like. I always thought if Steve was going to leave me, it would be for a
Peer pressure isn’t just for teenagers anymore. There are nefarious middle-aged gangs trying to suck us into their sinister activities. The first ones that got me were the pickleballers. Suddenly, I was spending six hours a day hitting a plastic ball over a net, while sporting a “Baby Got Backhand” t-shirt. Fortunately, thanks to a
In the early 2000’s my friend Deirdre and I decided to put on a Children’ s Christmas play. We sat in Pastor Rick’s office and told him that we had some great ideas, and not to worry, because we came highly recommended… by each other. But, seriously, trust us! We already had the script and
Oh Come, All Ye Sleepy Read More »
Back in our early years of marriage, Steve always made sure we had the nicest room when we went on vacation. “If possible, we would love an ocean view,” he said to the front desk clerk, while simultaneously gazing adoringly into my eyes. She smiled at us. Aw, a young couple in love. Thirty minutes
When I was young, I spent a fair amount of time baking in the sun, while covered in oil. Think rotisserie chicken in a bikini. “You’re going to regret it someday,” my mom warned me. But as a teenager with big goals (to be the tannest in all the landest), I didn’t listen. But now,
On July 17, Steve and I headed to the airport for a long-awaited Italian vacation. “I can’t believe we’re ahead of schedule!” Steve said. I high-fived him. “We rock!” At 10 am, we arrived at the Norse Airlines ticket counter to pick up our boarding passes. Oh, you haven’t heard of Norse Airlines? It’s like
Trauma del Viaggio Read More »
Steve and I have always shared the same values. But over the last year, there has been a shift. At first, it was just a comment here, a comment there. I’d shake my head, thinking, surely he can’t be supporting THOSE GUYS! Over time, the comments became more frequent and more vocal. And then one
Smells Like Team Spirit Read More »
So there we were at the Oxnard Hilton, in Conference Room B, sitting across from Barry. After we all shook hands, Barry looked us in the eye and said, “I just want you to know this is NOT a timeshare presentation.” Then, he edged closer to us, ready to pounce on his prey. It felt
Keep your Shirt On! Read More »