One Dress, Two Dress, Red Dress, Blue Dress

An ode to shopping for a Mother of the Bride Dress:

One dress, two dress, red dress, blue dress,

I went shopping for a new dress.

This one has a big, pink bow,

In this, I look like cookie dough. 

This one is much too white,

The bride will say, “Not alright!”

This dress looks like an ugly couch,

Just pinched some backfat… OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!

From there to here, and here to there,

There are ugly dresses everywhere.

This looks great, if you close your eyes,

Does Macy’s even have my size?

So many sequins, big and small,

I’m a human disco ball.

These arm holes have me stuck,

It’s like a straight jacket – What the f-?!

All these dresses truly stink!

I could really use a drink.

One thing, I am certain,

This has been sewn from Grandma’s curtain.

This one has so many ripples,

And now, it appears, I have extra nipples.

Too many snaps, too many buttons,

Told the sales clerk, “Thanks for nuttin’!”

So many dresses, short and tall,

I hate them, hate them, hate them all!

Author’s Note: A zillion dresses later, I finally found The One! #YesToTheDress