Those People

I don’t really care for those people.

This woman is a racist.

Let me clarify, when I talk about those people, I’m referring to bikers.

Not the ones on Hogs, they’re cool. 

The ones on bicycles.

But my daughter rides a bike, up and down our driveway, pedaling her precious little legs.

Simmer down, your daughter is adorable.

I’m talking about the serious bikers, the ones that travel in packs and wear matching shirts and smug expressions.

Oh, the smugness!

Now, before you say, “You just don’t understand because you’re not a cyclist.”

You would be wrong. 

I’ve done both organized bike rides and races. I even follow the rules of the road. I’m just not like those people.

Is it the wolf pack mentality or the matching shirts that give these people such a sense of entitlement?

Last week I was running in Ventura, California. There’s a paved path that hugs the coastline, popular with both cyclists and runners. As I was heading north, running on the RIGHT side of the path, a group of about 8 bikers were riding towards me. They took up the whole path. 

Look who’s too cool for single file.

I thought about crossing over to the frontage road but one of them was also biking there. Instead, I moved as far right as possible, giving them plenty of space. As they approached me, I made eye contact with one of the female cyclists, expecting maybe a nod or a smile, or God forbid, a thank you, for staying out of their way. Instead, Angry Biker Lady furiously pointed to the road and yelled, “Move over!” as the pack whizzed past me.

Move over?

Move over to the road, where your bike buddy is riding, so he can hit me head on? That’s a fabulous idea. I was just thinking this morning; you know what my face is missing?

Tire marks.

Where exactly did she want me to go?

Was I supposed to dive under the fence, curl in a ball, and burrow into a hole like a common gopher?

And why did I have to move over? I was already on my side. Is there some hierarchy that gives an inordinate amount of power to the bikers? Or do they just think they’re special because they log more miles.

“You ran 10 miles? We biked 100.”

Oh, the smugness.

Hey, newsflash, this is not the Tour De France. You are neither a professional cyclist, nor are you training for the Olympics. You can stay upright on a bike, and you know how to match. 

I just don’t understand what makes these people so surly. Did they forget that exercise = endorphins = happiness.

In the end, I think it comes down to DNA.

The only plausible explanation is that these people are all descendants of the original angry biker…Miss Gulch, the old, spiteful woman in the Wizard of Oz, who pedals furiously through the Kansas countryside. Sure, she’s lacking the cool biking attire, and it doesn’t seem like she’s even part of a cycling club, and yes, her goal is less about exercise and more about stealing Toto, but if you look closely, you’ll recognize the expression…

Oh, the smugness.