The Return of the Maximalist: Garage Edition

Last month, while attempting to locate the big broom in the far corner of the garage, I found myself hurdling over a stack of cardboard boxes, climbing over a dilapidated bookshelf and lunging across Parker’s gymnastic beam to retrieve it.

It’s fun playing Ninja Warrior in your own garage.

But when I tripped over a bucket of rubber balls (Dodgeball, anyone?), and almost impaled myself on an umbrella, I thought…

Perhaps we should clean the garage.

So we did.

The best part was not only do we now have a clean(ish) garage, but oh boy, did we uncover some gems* along the way.

Here are just a few of our findings:

Camping Equipment: This was confusing because I don’t think we ever camped.  We talked about camping, but then we came to our senses. Did a nature-loving family sneak into our garage to store their tents, sleeping bags, and camping cookware? If so, please tell them their crap is now at the Simi Thrift Store. Except for the tent because our youngest daughter, Parker, informed us that she wanted it. Congrats, Parker, you are now the proud owner of an early 2000’s tent. (Poles not included.) Enjoy!

My Kids’ Softball Memorabilia: Jackets, team pictures, and visors from their t-ball years (Go Little Mermaids!) all the way through high school (Go Musketeers!). I also found an entire box of Q #44 and Sunshine #7 jerseys. I could open my own softball apparel shop, and if you go by the name “Q” or fancy the nickname, Sunshine, I got you covered. Quincey suggested I cut a square of fabric from each jersey and sew it together to make a quilt. It’s adorable that she thinks I can sew.

My High School Yearbooks: Thank goodness, I found those! I was just looking for a good read. I can’t wait to peruse all the heartfelt messages proclaiming that we would be BFs forever, and also reminding me to “Have a bitchin’ summer!” Surprisingly, I am not BFFs with most of the class of 1984. I do, however, continue to have bitchin’ summers.

My Kids’ Stuffed Animals: How clever of me to keep these vintage animals for all these years. Now that I have a granddaughter, I can’t wait for her to meet Muffins The Moose, or Pierre the Pig (obviously French), both of whom have been buried alive in a cardboard box since the late 90’s. When she opens up that box of dust mites, she’s going to be tickled pink.

Quincey’s Girl Scout Vest, Troop 713: The vest was from 3rd grade, and it still fit! The front and back were covered with a plethora of patches, one of which was for Cosmic Bowling. A patch for bowling? What sort of loosey-goosey troop was this? Another patch claimed she was a “2001 Early Bird.” That seems highly unlikely. However, most of the patches were cookie related, because let’s be honest, 8-year-old Quincey was only in it for the Thin Mints.

Steve’s Mechanical Engineering Textbooks: At first, we thought there was only one box of textbooks. But then, Praise God, we found a second! I can’t wait to delve into Heat Transfer Fluids and Systems for Process and Energy Applications. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil the ending.

The Kite: Practically new. I found it wedged underneath a bin of baseball mitts.** Neon green and yellow, with black trim. We flew the kite one time on a family trip to Pismo Beach. Steve really wanted to fly the kite that breezy Sunday afternoon. Parker was busy doing cartwheels on the sand. Quincey was dying to finish Harry Potter. I just wanted to go for a run. But Steve insisted on some good ol’ fashioned family fun. “We’re going to fly this damn kite and you’re all going to love it!” Steve said. Things escalated, tears were shed, and we all watched as the kite soared high in the blue sky. It really was a good kite.

The list goes on and on…two badminton sets, six snorkel fins, eight pairs of crutches (what are we, spiders?). All of this and more can now be purchased for a very reasonable price at the Simi Valley Thrift Store.

And the best part…

We can now park a car in the garage.

Apparently, that’s what garages are for. 

Who knew?

*Crap

**Keep: You never know when there’s going to be a spontaneous softball game