Saucy Tales

Let me introduce you to Nina and Alvin. Nina, who is 74 and Alvin, who is 84 have been married for 54 years. I have known them for 53 of them. I am their daughter.

Nina and Alvin are not their real names but when I told them I was going to write a few stories about them, they requested aliases.

“Please call us Nina and Alvin.”

Nina and Alvin it is.

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If you were considering having Nina and Alvin over for drinks, or condiments, the following information may be helpful:

Alvin hits the sauce hard…

But not in a boozy way.

The sauce I’m referring to is the In ‘N’ Out burger sauce, that wonderfully rich and creamy Thousand Island style spread.

Alvin so enjoys this sauce that if you ask him what he wants for his birthday (September 12^th), there is nothing he desires more. The love and adoration of his family is a close second.

This sauce is not for sale, but the kind folks at In ‘N’ Out will give you a packet or two upon request.  Alvin likes to make sure he has an ample supply for Nina’s special Patty Melts, and it’s up to us to keep him well stocked.

Sadly, some of us haven’t been taking this seriously and last weekend Alvin was forced to eat his Patty Melt with plain ol’ mayo.

Following this dark day, now known as “Sauce-less Saturday,” Alvin invited us to lunch.

It wasn’t so much lunch as it was stockpiling.

At 11:45 we met in the parking lot to discuss the upcoming assignment.

“They usually just give one packet,” Alvin informed the group, handing out $10 bills. “But the max is four, so don’t be shy.”

Alvin stood behind us in line as we placed our orders.

“Cheeseburger with grilled onions, please.” I handed Tyler, the cashier, my money.

Alvin whisper-coughed into my ear, “Sauce!”

“And can I get four extra packets of sauce?” I asked.

Tyler raised an eyebrow but delivered the goods.

And so it went.

With each separate order, Alvin’s inventory grew.

However, by the fifth extra sauce request, savvy Tyler was on to us.

He took my youngest daughter’s order. “Let me guess…”

Oh no, the jig is up.

Abort! Abort!

But then Tyler smiled. “You want four extra packets?”

Tyler, you insightful wizard.

My daughter sheepishly grinned as he threw in one, two, three, four, five… SIX!

Holy Sauce, we’ve hit the motherload!

Once we got our orders, we took our food to an outside table. We bit into our burgers, savoring each bite.

But not Alvin.

Alvin was too busy eyeing his heaping mounds of riches on the table. Like a successful drug lord, his stockpile had gone from inventory to empire.

Say hello to my little sauce.