Nina and Alvin: Vacation Rules!

Let me introduce you to Nina and Alvin. Nina, who is (almost) 76 and Alvin, who is 86 have been married for 56 years. I have known them for 55 of them. I am their daughter.

Nina and Alvin are not their real names but when I told them I was going to write a few stories about them, they requested aliases.

“Please call us Nina and Alvin.”

Nina and Alvin, it is.

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Over the years, we have traveled a lot with Nina and Alvin. Vacationing with these two Super Seniors is a hoot, but if you think this is some loosey goosey vacation, think again!

There are rules, People.

Rule #1 – B.Y.O.P.

When we vacation, Nina always brings yummy treats like wasabi almonds or homemade blueberry muffins. She’ll even whip up a batch of her famous tortellini stew.  

That Nina loves to share her food.

Well, most of her food.

“What’s this?” I asked, pointing to a baggie on the second shelf of the refrigerator.

“That’s not for you,” Nina responded.

“But what is it?” I peered in for a better look.

Nina shut the refrigerator door.

“Those are our prunes,” she said. “I packed just enough so your dad and I get two a day.”

“That’s nice,” I said.

“We don’t have any extra prunes,” she added.

“I don’t want…”

“If you wanted prunes, you should have brought your own,” Nina said.

Does anyone ever really want prunes?

Steve called out from the other room. “Honey, can you get me something to eat?”

“Sure,” I said, opening the refrigerator door. “What do you want?”

Nina took a few steps forward, and like a Mama Bear, she stood between me and her prunes.

I grabbed a plum (Prune’s far more delicious cousin) and tossed it to Steve.

Nina shut the door once again. “I can’t be supplying prunes for everyone.”

Did you hear that, folks? 

B.Y.O.P.

Our daughter Parker wandered into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. 

She grabbed the bag of prunes. “What’s this?”

Nina’s head exploded.

Bring Your Own Prunes!

Rule #2 – Respect “The Cocktail Hour”

On vacation, we always enjoy Happy Hour with Nina and Alvin.

Except Happy Hour shall be referred to as Cocktail Hour.

Happy Hour is when you’re drinking Coronas on a beach, like Snoop Dogg.

Do Nina and Alvin look like Snoop Dogg?

Also, Happy Hour can be anytime. (It’s 5:00 somewhere.)

Sophisticated people, such as Nina and Alvin, NEVER partake in libations before 8:00.

(Except for that one time in 2014. Nina went for a sunset walk, and Alvin cracked a cold one at 7:45.)

Please don’t tell Nina. 

As a sophisticated couple of a certain age, you might assume that Nina and Alvin would enjoy sophisticated cocktails such as Martinis or Manhattans.

No, siree. 

Nina and Alvin drink Coors Light.

I, too, used to enjoy Coors Light.

In college.

It was low cal, cheap and easy to shotgun.*

I’m in no way implying that Nina and Alvin shotgun their beer. 

I’m also not putting it past them.

“Are you sure you don’t want to try this?” I asked, offering them some of my Hefenweizen.

Alvin shook his head.

Nina scrunched her nose.

We’re not interested in your hoppy, zippy, citrusy IPA, with hints of grapefruit.

They both took a sip of their Coors Light.

For Nina and Alvin, it’s the Silver Bullet, or nothing.

At 8:01, of course.

Rule #3- It’s a One-Night Stand: Deal With It

Nina and Alvin have always enjoyed vacationing with us (I think), but they will only agree to spend one night.

Do Nina and Alvin have commitment issues?

On Saturday night, Nina and Alvin informed us that they had things to do the next day.

“What things?” I asked.

“We have things,” Nina said, handing Alvin his allotted prunes.

Alvin chewed and nodded. “We’re very busy.”

Nina and Alvin slept over Saturday night and we assumed we’d see them in the morning because they said, “See you in the morning.”

We did NOT see them in the morning.

The only one who saw them was Parker, who had gotten up to go to the bathroom.

At first, she wasn’t sure it was them.

Just two figures, tip-toeing stealth-like, down the hallway around 5 a.m.

Parker rubbed her eyes, still blurry with sleep, “Grandma? Grandpa?” she said.

“We gotta go,” Nina whispered, unlocking the latch on the door.

“Where are you going?” Parker asked.

“Shhh, go back to sleep,” Alvin said, patting her head.

Then, like the Grinch, he sent Parker Lou Who, who was no more than 22,** back to bed.

With suitcases in one hand and prunes in the other, the two of them slipped through the door, into the darkness…

thus concluding another wild vacation with Nina and Alvin.

* While holding the can sideways, you make a small hole in the can, and then you tip the can and drink the beer from the hole as fast as you can. Don’t try this at home, kids.

** She’s actually 23, but that didn’t rhyme.