Keep your Shirt On!

So there we were at the Oxnard Hilton, in Conference Room B, sitting across from Barry.

After we all shook hands, Barry looked us in the eye and said, “I just want you to know this is NOT a timeshare presentation.”

Then, he edged closer to us, ready to pounce on his prey.

It felt like a timeshare presentation.

All I knew was that we had received a postcard in the mail which promised a FREE CRUISE AND FREE AIRFARE if we attended a 90-minute travel presentation.

It seemed super legit.

Plus, as “Timeshare Trauma Survivors,” (READ: https://midlifebloomer.com/the-price-of-paradise-part-1/), we knew we could handle anything.

To be safe, we rehearsed on the drive over.

“Just don’t say, hmmm,” I reminded Steve. “They’ll think you’re interested.”

“I never said hmmm,” Steve said indignantly.

Yeah, right.

This guy hmmm’d real good.

Barry handed us a brochure. “So, do you like to travel?” he asked.

“Eh,” Steve said, shrugging.

I yawned.

Non-committal and sleepy.

We were off to a good start.

Before Barry could probe further, Pete, who appeared to be the head honcho, approached the podium. He introduced himself as a sales manager for Beacon Travel, and reiterated this was NOT a timeshare presentation, but a travel OPPORTUNITY!

Glancing around the room, I noticed that we were the oldest of all the couples.

I guess most people our age have stopped attending travel OPPORTUNITY seminars.

Did I mention the FREE CRUISE AND FREE AIRFARE?

Pete then informed us that we would be part of an elite travel club that would have access to wholesale prices at some exciting destinations. 

He paused dramatically, before pumping his fist in the air, “Who wants to go to…

Vegas! Orlando! Acapulco!”

Smoky, Touristy, Murdery.

But Pete riled up the crowd with more explosive fist pumping, and the group nodded their heads enthusiastically.

It was a room of rookies.

After that, he shared a slide filled with reviews.

“We are saving so much money!” – Ken and Katie Green

“Beacon Travel is the real deal!” – Marjorie Wu

“Best decision we’ve ever made!” – The Lopez Family

He called it, Real Reviews by Real Members.

I called it, A Word Document by Pete.

Pete then highlighted a picture of a beautiful resort in Cabo. “This could be your next vacation if you decide to join the Beacon Family.”

Apparently, we had transitioned from “club” to “family.” Things were moving quickly.

“This is where I’m going next month,” he said, pointing to the Cabo resort. “I’m pretty lucky because I almost didn’t make it.”

The room got quiet.

“Yep, I had a heart attack last year,” he said, sighing dramatically. “That’s why you need to travel NOW because it could happen to any one of us.” 

We all looked around the room, scanning for who we thought was most likely to have the next heart attack. Most of the eyes were on us.

“I really did have a heart attack,” Pete said again.

I think Pete thought we didn’t believe him because that’s when he started unbuttoning his shirt.

“I’ll show you the scars,” he said.

Uncle Pete, please put your shirt back on, I’ll go to Orlando.

But he just kept unbuttoning. 

I was slightly horrified, but also impressed.

This guy really went the extra mile to make a sale.

After he finished up, Barry turned to us and asked if we had any questions,

Does Pete take his shirt off every night, or was this a one-time thing?

Barry then gave us his spiel but he didn’t have the charisma or clogged arteries that Pete did.

“Well, it looks like you won’t be joining the Beacon Family,” Barry  said, admitting defeat. “I’ll go get the papers for you to sign so I can get you out of here.”

That was 30 minutes ago.

Meanwhile, everyone around us is signing up for lifetime memberships.

Fists are pumping, champagne is popping, and “We are Family,” is blasting through the speakers.

Barry never returned.

But Pete did.

He’s still shirt-less and is sharing all the destinations we simply must travel to.

Hmmm…