Hasta La Vista, Sunglasses!

I go through sunglasses at an alarming rate, which is why I try to keep three pairs on hand at all times: a regular pair, a spare pair, and a desperation pair.

My desperation pair usually has parts missing, but it gets the job done.

Unfortunately, sometimes all three pairs go MIA, and that’s when I hit up my husband, Steve.

“You’re not going to lose them?” He asked.

“Of course not,” I said.

“I’m going to need another pair,” I told Steve, a week later. 

“What happened to the pair I just loaned you?” He asked.

If I knew, they’d be on my face.

That guy asks the silliest questions.

Steve handed over another pair and a couple days later…

I did NOT lose them.

In fact, I wore them every day for a week straight.

“Whose glasses are those?” My daughter Parker asked.

“They’re dad’s,” I said.

“They’re hideous,” Parker responded, leaning in closer to inspect them.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

She tapped on the lens. “There’s a hole in the lens, and the frame is dented and cracked.”

I took them off and examined them.

“It looks like you’ve been shot at,” she said. “And then run over.”

Well, that’s concerning.

When I returned that pair to Steve, he also looked shocked.

It wasn’t clear if it was because of the carnage I had apparently inflicted upon them or because I had managed not to lose them.

“Do you have any other pairs?” I asked.

He sighed and pulled out yet another pair.

(Sidenote: If you need a pair of sunglasses, Steve’s your guy!)

This pair was shiny and clean, with intact frames and not even the slightest hint of bullet hole.

However, the frames were more rectangular than I would prefer, and they made me look spacey. 

Not ditzy/spacey. 

More like I was actually going to space.

My co-worker noticed them the next day.

“New glasses?” she asked.

I nodded. 

She studied my face.

“I look like Spock, don’t I?” I asked.

“Hmm,” she said, taking it all in. “Actually, you look more like The Terminator.”

At first, I was slightly offended because The Terminator was not the look I was going for, but then I thought, that guy is a super fit time traveler who throws out catchy phrases, so why not?

“I’ll tell you why not,” Parker said, as she checked out my glasses a few days later, “because I can’t take you seriously in those Terminator glasses.”

Uh, hello, Parker, people take The Terminator VERY seriously!

Parker then drove me to TJ Max and made me pick out three new pairs of sunglasses.

Sadly, Pair #1 and Pair #2 wandered off in the first week, but I’m happy to report that it’s been a month now and Pair #3 is resting safely on my face right now.

Not only that, but these new non-mangled (dare I say stylish) glasses make me look like a normal person.

Just one hiccup.

I failed to notice that they lack UV protection, which is slightly bothersome when the sun is out.

“Are you crying, Mom?” Parker asked, when she saw me in my new glasses.

I squinted through my burning corneas.

“Just tears of joy over how good I look in these glasses,” I said.