I broke my ankle last month.
The exact terminology is fractured lateral malleolus.
Ooh, fancy.
At the moment, I’m a little hobbled (like James Caan in Misery, but with a nicer nurse.).
Here is one of the highlights…
“The MRI:”
I had my MRI last week.
After checking in, Jason, the technician, led me to the back waiting room.
I took a seat.
“Hmmm,” Jason said, looking over my chart. “It says here that you are signed up for the Tesla 1.5 MRI… not the Tesla 3 MRI.”
“What’s the difference?” I asked.
“The Tesla 3 has a stronger signal and better resolution.” He scratched his head. “Your doctor ALWAYS prefers the Tesla 3. ”
How dare my doctor prescribe me the vastly inferior Tesla 1.5!
Was I not worthy of the Tesla 3?
What am I… a chump?
“Do you want me to see if I can get you on the Tesla 3?” Jason asked.
That’s like asking an airline passenger, Would you like to move to first class?
Uh, der, Jason.
“Yes, please,” I said.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
Can you believe I almost settled for the Tesla 1.5?
Thank God for Jason!
Jason returned a minute later. “Sorry, the Tesla 3 is not available.”
Jason then escorted me to the low-budget MRI room.
He had me lay down on an econo table.
The Subpar Tesla 1.5 sluggishly slid into place.
Jason handed me a rubber ball that resembled a turkey baster, attached to a cord. “This is your panic button.”
I bet the Tesla 3 has a “We’re having fun” button.
“We’ll get started in a minute,” he said.
“I’m kind of hungry,” I told Jason, as he was leaving the room.
Nothing.
Not even a bag of peanuts.
A minute later, the machine roared to life.
It began with the whooshing noise of an ultrasound, accompanied by the pulsating beat of an EDM* concert and finished off with the sweet melody of jackhammering for the deaf.
Whoever composed the musical score for the Tesla 1.5 made some odd choices.
I closed my eyes, hoping it would end soon.
When it was over, Jason walked me back to the waiting room and let me know that my blurry, low-resolution, sub-standard MRI results would be ready in 3-4 days.
I slumped out of the building.
If only I’d never heard of the Tesla 3 MRI.
Thanks a lot, Jason.
*Electronic Dance Music. It’s what the kids are listening to these days.
January! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am angry for you! Not getting the Tesla 3. Really?!!!! 🤬. Hilarious once again!
Jan your humor is so relatable and effortless! And as much as I love your stories, your choices of memes and pics are equally hilarious!! 🤣
And not even a bag of peanuts? 😖. Loved part 3. Hope you never need another MRI, but if you do I hope its the Tesla 3 because you deserve the best!
Not even a bag of peanuts?! Sheesh. I hear they were having a full-on lobster dinner over by the “We’re having fun” Tesla 3 button. I think you should just never, ever, ever get another MRI! That’ll teach ’em.
I love this story and I can so relate. Unfortunately I have to get an MRI every year, and “the sweet melody of jackhammering for the deaf” is so accurate. You couldn’t have captured this any better as I get ready to prepare for my next One with ear plugs and noise canceling headphones. If they were to put this story in an MRI waiting room, the patients wouldn’t hear their names being called because they would be laughing so loud. But perhaps this wouldn’t be a good idea because then they would all be asking for the Tesla 3 model.