Christmas Carnage

You know how baseball players get several months to recover after the regular season, and then they return in the Spring, refreshed and ready to “Play Ball?”

That’s what I expect from my Nativity Set.

January to November is their off season, which is a generous eleven months.

I don’t care what they do during this time, but by the first week of December, they need to be ready to “Play Ball!”

But seriously, don’t play ball in the manger! 

MANGER DANGER!

I also expect the biblical characters (Mary, Joseph, The Three Wise Men, a shepherd, sheep, and The Angel) to appear in a manner that is representative of the glorious birth.

For many years, they nailed it.

But this year, when I welcomed them back from their Spring/Summer/Fall homes, I gasped in horror.

Mary was kneeling peacefully, her right hand over her heart, but her left arm had been severed!

I dug through the box, hoping to retrieve it, but there was no sign of the missing arm.

“Who did this to you?” I whispered.

But poor amputee Mary, who was so traumatized from losing a limb, didn’t answer.

Mary wasn’t the only one missing a limb.

One of the Wise Men was without a right hand so now he had to balance his frankincense with his poor little nub.

Have you tried to balance frankincense with just a nub?

The animals weren’t doing much better.

The ram was hornless.

The sheep was hoofless.

And where were the other sheep?

“What happened to your flock?” I asked the shepherd.

But the shepherd, who had lost an eye, didn’t look as if he was up to the task of watching one sheep, let alone an entire flock.

Fortunately, Joseph had all his limbs and both of his eyes, but he did have some lacerations on his head.

Was there bad blood between Joseph and the Shepherd?

I needed to get to the bottom of this, and I felt like the best people to ask were obviously the Wise Men.

I pulled out the gold-carrying Wise Man and set him next to Nubby/Frankincense Wise Man. Then I scrounged through the box for the last of the three Wise Men, but after several minutes of searching, digging, rummaging… 

No Third Wise Man!

I shook my head.

You can’t have just Two Wise Men. 

Like The Stooges and The Amigos, they come in a trio.

Did Wise Man #3 think he could go off and make it on his own?

He’s not George Michael.

I turned to Mary and Joseph. “Don’t worry, I’ll find Wise Man #3,” I promised.

But my promise was as empty as the space above the manger, where the Angel should have been..

That’s right. The Angel had also vanished!

So, just to recap:

(Feel free to sing along!)

Three Amputees,

Two Hoofless Sheep,

One Missing Wise Man…

And a manger … without an Angel!

But thankfully, despite all that carnage, the reason for the season and the star of the show, Baby Jesus, was intact, swaddled and lying in the manger.

I stood back, eyed my rag tag group and smiled.

Play Ball!

And…

Merry Christmas!