Years ago, it was Ms. Tanya, the preschool director, who would frequently contact us about an “incident.” These incidents usually involved our then two-year-old daughter, Quincey, gnawing on a classmate. Ms. Tanya would sigh and hand us a paper titled ALL ABOUT MY DAY. Where other children’s papers told of toddler triumphs, ours read more […]
Play Nice (2022 Erma Bombeck Writing Competition Honorable Mention) Read More »
A tall, aggressively-beautiful woman entered the room. She took Tom’s chair. Tom took a seat in the corner. Was Tom in trouble? The woman introduced herself as Fiona (no relationship to Shrek) and gave us a bone-chilling smile. Fiona had the air of Cruella de Vil, but without the fur. Or puppies. (Sidenote: I could
The Price of Paradise: Part 2 Read More »
My husband, Steve, and I were recently involved in a hostage situation. It didn’t involve guns or terrorists. It did, however, involve intimidation tactics, guilt, and mind games. Tom, our captor, led us down a hallway to a small room. He gave us water. Sparkling water, because we were high-end hostages. Tom told us to
The Price of Paradise: Part 1 Read More »
For years I showed up at parties with my famous artichoke dip. But then I learned that cheese boards were all the rage, and thought, well, that sounds fun and easy! (Spoiler Alert: It’s not. The cheese circuit is cutthroat. And I mean that literally. Show up with an overcooked Brie, and these women will
This past week, I watched The Grinch with my granddaughter, Holland. Although Holland is barely 16 months, my feeling is you’re never too young to appreciate the classics. (Wait until she meets Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation!) As we cozied up under the blankets, Holland watched mesmerized. But when the Grinch growled, “I must stop
This Thanksgiving, I reflected on all the things I was thankful for. Family, food, shelter… Also… forks! You heard me right. Forks. You see, for many years now, we’ve struggled to keep forks in the house. A roof over our head? No problem. But forks in the utensil drawer? Problem. One day, I had like
I remember when Quincey was 17 and we went out of town for the first time. “No friends over,” I told her. Steve was quick to add. “Especially not boys.” Boys, bad. “And no loud music,” I said. “Don’t even think about having a party, Missy,” Steve folded his arms. Quincey groaned and rolled her
What Happens at G’Ma’s, Stays at G’Ma’s Read More »
Let me introduce you to Nina and Alvin. Nina, who is (almost) 76 and Alvin, who is 86 have been married for 56 years. I have known them for 55 of them. I am their daughter. Nina and Alvin are not their real names but when I told them I was going to write a
Nina and Alvin: Vacation Rules! Read More »
The month prior to our Alaskan vacation, Google began sending me grizzly (no pun intended) bear stories. These were not warm and fuzzy anecdotes, like Bear and Ranger Share Pot of Honey. It was more: Hiker Loses Limb After Bear Mauling. Apparently, Google thinks I have a dark side.* I shared my concerns with my
Lions and Tigers and Bears! (But Mostly Bears) Read More »
We recently learned that our friend’s daughter-in-law, Becca, gets up at the crack of dawn every morning to make her husband a delicious breakfast. Rumor has it, not only is she whipping up eggs at this ungodly hour, she’s doing it in an adorable outfit, fresh make-up, and with a cheery attitude. Diabolical. I turned