When I first walked into the building, ominous music played as if I were entering a horror film. Like Clarice, I could hear the lambs screaming. BAAAAHH! Wait, no, that was me. “Can I help you?” Brittany, the sales clerk, asked. It would help if I were 30 years younger and 10 pounds lighter, but […]
A million years ago, when we were in our 30s, my girlfriends and I started going on Girls’ Weekends. It didn’t matter where we went. The point was we were gone. A weekend away from toddlers, housework, and husbands. Three friends on an adventure. Like Thelma and Louise and Louise. But with a happier ending.
Thelma and Louise and Louise Read More »
My husband, Steve, used to utter his famous catchphrase, “Have you thought of dinner?” about 30 times a day. The first few times he’d ask, I’d nod with a faraway look in my eyes, as if gourmet meals were dancing in my head. By the 20th time, I wasn’t nodding anymore and the look was
In my 54 years, I thought I had garnered a few pearls of wisdom. Turns out my pearls of wisdom were actually nuggets of nonsense. Especially when it came to raising children. Thankfully, my oldest daughter, Quincey, set me straight. It started the first time I changed my granddaughter, Holland.* I had just pulled out
Have I Taught You Nothing? Read More »
Normally, I enjoy being frightened. Scary movies, haunted houses, my bathroom scale. But these past two months have dealt me enough horror to last a lifetime. The trauma began on December 19th. My husband’s e-bike was charging in the garage when the battery suddenly combusted.* Smelling smoke, we raced to the garage and discovered a
A Series of Unfortunate Events Read More »
Let me introduce you to Nina and Alvin. Nina, who is 78, and Alvin, who is 88, have been married for 58 years. I have known them for 57 of them. I am their daughter. Nina and Alvin are not their real names, but when I told them I was going to write a few
On the Road with Nina and Alvin Read More »
I broke my ankle last month. The exact terminology is fractured lateral malleolus. Ooh, fancy. At the moment, I’m a little hobbled (like James Caan in Misery, but with a nicer nurse.). Here is one of the highlights… “The MRI:” I had my MRI last week. After checking in, Jason, the technician, led me to
Fractured Tales: Part 3 – “The MRI” Read More »
I broke my ankle last month. The exact terminology is fractured lateral malleolus. Ooh, fancy. At the moment, I’m a little hobbled (like James Caan in Misery, but with a nicer nurse). Here is one of the highlights… “The Clot:” I had a follow-up with my doctor on Wednesday. “So, here’s the problem…” he began.
Fractured Tales: Part 2 – “The Clot” Read More »
The day after my fall, I saw my doctor. Examining my bruised and swollen ankle, he gasped, “We need to get you x-rays, and tell them you need these STAT!” My eyes grew wide. It was going to be just like on TV. Nurse, get this woman a new ankle, STAT! Ten minutes later, I
Fractured Tales: The Stat Read More »
Back in March, I led a workshop entitled Seminar for Sociopaths. It was wildly popular. Two out of the three participants stayed until the very end. I taught the importance of reuniting Tupperware containers with their significant lids. Nine months later, it was time for a new seminar except this time my daughter Parker would