Steve and I were walking through our neighborhood a few weeks ago when suddenly, he stopped. “Wowza,” he said. My eyes followed his gaze. Seeing the object of his affection, I sighed. Who could blame him? “Definitely fake,” I said. “Nope, definitely real,” he said, unable to pull his gaze away. He let out a […]
I live in California. California is full of sunshine and beautiful beaches. What it’s not full of is friendly people. Whenever I go for a run I say hello to my fellow runners. What I get in return is silence. Okay, this is the part where you say hi back. Or hello. I’d love a
Shiny Happy People Read More »
In the past year, I’ve noticed a trend with a certain greeting. At first I thought the greeting was harmless, even pleasant. But now I know better, and I’m here to tell you that strangers who call you MY FRIEND are anything but. I’m not saying they’re diabolical, but trust me, they’re about to take
When my mom, Nina, and I walk, we generally talk about Nina’s gal pals, Barbara, Carol and Carol Jo. These are intricate tales that involve not just Barbara and the Carols, but every relative, friend, and living human associated with these gals. I need cliff notes to follow. Lately, however, Nina has found someone new
After 33 years of marriage you’d think Steve and I would be used to all of our annoying habits “fun quirks.” For example, I’ve gotten used to the fact that every time Steve sneezes, it will not be 1-3 times, like a normal person with appropriate sinuses. It will be upward of 10 times, like
Last Saturday, at 3 pm, Steve and I decided to throw a Derby party. The Kentucky Derby started at 4, so we really needed to get moving. The first thing you need to do when throwing a Derby party is select your horses. The selection of the horses went rather quickly as Steve and I
“And They’re Off!” Read More »
I went for a bone density exam this week. Walking in the room, Sheila, the x-ray technician greeted me with, “Well, how are you today, my friend?” Then she told me to step on the scale. Hey, Sheila, friends don’t make friends step on the scale. When she announced my weight, I shook my head.
After 35 years of professional work, Steve retired last week. And let me tell you, everyone is thrilled! Well, not everyone. Months ago, when Steve told me his plan, I was initially excited. “Honey, that’s great news!” I told him. “Think of all the traveling we’ll do together-” That’s when he cut me off. “Well,
Bread(crumb)winner Read More »
One of my greatest irrational fears is things with buttons. No, not shirts. I can button a blouse like the best of them. I’m talking about machines with buttons, like copy machines. It’s not that I’m not competent. If you hand me one piece of paper and say, “Please make 20 copies,” 7/10 times I’m
Irrational Fears: Part 3 Read More »
Geometry has scared the bejeezus out of me since I was a small child. I just don’t get it. Sure, I can identify your basic shapes, but anything more than that sends shivers down my spine. While most children worried about a monster in their closet, I feared there was an isosceles triangle lurking beneath
Irrational Fears: Part 2 “Geometry” Read More »