I hate my neck. I know people say hate is too strong a word, but as the owner of this neck, I don’t feel hate is strong enough. You may scoff and think, big deal, it’s just a neck. It’s not even a major body part (unless you’re a giraffe). However, you are probably a […]
Puppies, Pills, and Pretty Necks Read More »
So John came over last weekend. Travolta? No, but that would have been cool. It was John, the car detailer, and star of my story, R-Rated Car. Two years ago, John detailed my 2005 Honda Pilot. The numerous dents, hanging bumper, and make-up covered steering wheel nearly destroyed him. But John was a survivor, and
Last week I went to the pharmacy. A pharmacy story! This should be a wild ride. Kimia, the pharmacist, asked me the standard questions. I gave her my prescription and she began to type. And type. And type some more. I looked around. Five minutes later, Kimia was still pressing keys. Maybe I wasn’t clear.
Last week I did something I’ve never done before. Bungee jump? Swim with sharks? Take shots off a stranger’s body? Not exactly. Though, there was drinking involved. A bottle of Magnesium Citrate, followed by sixty-four ounces of MiraLAX, consumed in 20-minute intervals. We’ll call it Happy Hour. And the fun didn’t stop there. This was
My Above Average Colon Read More »
We found him on the side of a deserted farm road, behind a clump of weeds. To this day, I don’t know who left him or how he got there. It was my oldest daughter who spotted him. “Did you see that?” she asked. I pulled to the side of the road. Barely visible in
Have You Seen My Ball? Read More »
I don’t really care for those people. This woman is a racist. Let me clarify, when I talk about those people, I’m referring to bikers. Not the ones on Hogs, they’re cool. The ones on bicycles. But my daughter rides a bike, up and down our driveway, pedaling her precious little legs. Simmer down, your
I had a cough recently. Oh please, tell me more. But you don’t understand. This wasn’t your average joe cough. If coughs were sharks, this was Megalodon. It ignored antibiotics. It scoffed at humidifiers. Cough drops were merely child’s play. But the worst part was the sound, like tuberculosis and long term smoking. It was
Nina may seem like the grandmother next door, but there is another side to her. Nina is a hard-core, in your face, straight-up pusher. Oxycodone? Heroine? Opioids? Bigger. Grisham. King. Clancy. It started about 30 years ago. Back then, it was the small stuff, mostly newspaper articles: A heartwarming Erma Bombeck story. A cautionary tale
Do you know who the best people in the world are? Nuns? Buddhist monks? Trader Joe’s employees? Airbnb hosts. These gracious people rent out their homes to tourists, welcoming us with open arms and bottles of wine. They tell us all the sights we simply must see. During our stay, they promptly respond to any