I was getting ready to take the train home from my friend, Chriss’s house, when suddenly, I had a hankering for an acai bowl. I began pulling out ingredients: strawberries, blueberries, almond milk, bananas. It was all going so well, until… “Chriss, where’s your peanut butter?” I asked, scouring her cupboards. Chriss peered over my […]
Yesterday, I bought a Papyrus card. So, obviously, I can’t pay my mortgage this month. Seriously, these cards are expensive. I can’t give you an exact amount because there was no price on the back. I guess these cards are “Market Price.” Like lobster. But without the butter. Anybody else hungry? Now, to be fair,
I learned about the viral word game, Wordle, from my fellow wordie, Linda. “You have to play,” she said, her face lighting up. “Everybody’s doing it.” You know how your parents always told you, if everybody’s doing it, it doesn’t mean you should. However, my feeling is, if everyone’s doing it, it’s probably pretty great.
Years ago, it was Ms. Tanya, the preschool director, who would frequently contact us about an “incident.” These incidents usually involved our then two-year-old daughter, Quincey, gnawing on a classmate. Ms. Tanya would sigh and hand us a paper titled ALL ABOUT MY DAY. Where other children’s papers told of toddler triumphs, ours read more
Play Nice (2022 Erma Bombeck Writing Competition Honorable Mention) Read More »
A tall, aggressively-beautiful woman entered the room. She took Tom’s chair. Tom took a seat in the corner. Was Tom in trouble? The woman introduced herself as Fiona (no relationship to Shrek) and gave us a bone-chilling smile. Fiona had the air of Cruella de Vil, but without the fur. Or puppies. (Sidenote: I could
The Price of Paradise: Part 2 Read More »
My husband, Steve, and I were recently involved in a hostage situation. It didn’t involve guns or terrorists. It did, however, involve intimidation tactics, guilt, and mind games. Tom, our captor, led us down a hallway to a small room. He gave us water. Sparkling water, because we were high-end hostages. Tom told us to
The Price of Paradise: Part 1 Read More »
Alvin has done a lot in his 86 years. He’s skydived in Alaska, hunted crocodiles in Florida and ran with the bulls in Pamplona. But there’s one thing he’s NEVER done. Until last week. “Did you hear what your dad did?” Nina asked me, her eyes big. “No, what?” “Well, he was going to McDonald’s
Alvin’s Big Adventure Read More »
For years I showed up at parties with my famous artichoke dip. But then I learned that cheese boards were all the rage, and thought, well, that sounds fun and easy! (Spoiler Alert: It’s not. The cheese circuit is cutthroat. And I mean that literally. Show up with an overcooked Brie, and these women will
This past week, I watched The Grinch with my granddaughter, Holland. Although Holland is barely 16 months, my feeling is you’re never too young to appreciate the classics. (Tomorrow: Christmas Vacation. Holland is going to love Cousin Eddie!) We cozied up under the blankets and started to watch. Holland sat mesmerized for a few minutes.
This Thanksgiving, I reflected on all the things I was thankful for. Family, food, shelter… Also… forks! You heard me right. Forks. You see, for many years now, we’ve struggled to keep forks in the house. A roof over our head? No problem. But forks in the utensil drawer? Problem. One day, I had like