Are You Chitin Me?

I have a lot of obsessions: Running, Wine, Running with Wine, Succulents, The Bachelor (don’t judge me), and my most recent…

WWF.

No, not the World Wrestling Federation. 

But thank you for thinking I could compete at that level.

WWF is Words With Friends.

Harmless, right?

Harmless like heroin.

I blame my friend, Linda, who visited last weekend.

Over the course of her stay, we played multiple scrabble games.

The competition was fierce.

Think gladiators with wooden tiles.

“You should get Words With Friends,” she suggested. “Then we could play all the time.”

Did I dare?

Oh, I dared.

On Sunday, I installed Words with Friends on my phone.

On Monday, I received my first notification: It’s Your Turn!

LT (Linda) had challenged me to a game.

What a rush!

Over the course of the next few days, LT and I played multiple games.

She threw down words like quad, oxide, and zigged.

I countered with blazer, capote, and loq.

But I was no match for this word whiz, who put down chitin for a triple word score.

Are you chitin me?!

Once the game was over, I received a notification: YOU LOST! 

As if the all caps and exclamation point wasn’t enough of a kicker, it was accompanied by LT’s smiling face.

The folks at WWF were a sadistic bunch.

Maybe I should play someone easier.

Ethel57 and Junebugs64 invited me to play.

But It’s not called Words With Strangers.

I continued to play LT.

Everytime my phone pinged, I salivated like some Pavolovian dog.

You thought a gender reveal was exciting?

Try a word reveal!

On my screen, new letters appeared, accompanied by an upbeat xylophone tune. The bloopity-bloop sound seemed to say, GO FOR THAT TRIPLE WORD SCORE!

Believe me, I tried.

Unfortunately, I kept ending up with all consonants.

Last game, I had v, y, g, b, l, t, z.

“I’d like to buy a vowel,” I whispered into my phone.

Unfortunately, this game did not come with a Vanna.

Even more unfortunate is that it’s now Friday, and I’ve been on a 5-day bender.

Plans cancelled, housework neglected, stories unwritten.

I know what I have to do.

Goodbye, LT.

Sayonara, Ethel 57.

It’s been nice knowing you, Junebugs64.

But then…

Bloopity-bloop!

Well…

Maybe just one more game.

18 thoughts on “Are You Chitin Me?”

  1. Oh this made me laugh January. Several years ago I met one of the distant Ornellas cousin’s wife and she told me about WWF and then threw out the gauntlet stating that she’s never lost a game. I never considered myself competitive until she told me that. Needless to say she won’t play with me anymore. Let me know when you want to start a game 😃

  2. I play words with friends too.😊
    Welcome to the club
    Great story!!!
    Hey sometimes chores have to take the back burner to other things. 😊

  3. I do not need WWF because I have real life in person WWH ( Words with Husband). I suggested playing Scrabble shortly after our marriage 17 years ago. He was very reluctant claiming he was not very good at spelling and never paid attention in English class ordering to draw plans for drafting class.
    I was easy on him at first and added vodka tonics as part of our game equipment. Well after sizing up the board’s many double word score, triple letter and triple word extra points he totally turned this WORD game into a NUMBERS game…
    He can add huge numbers in his head as he does Income Taxes in his retirement and his reinvented Scrabble game has been very successful for him and has won thousands of high scoring game many over 400!! He has sure taught me Scrabble is about numbers not words.

  4. Listen to Jan and Julie. Uninstall! Then step away! It’s not LIKE heroin. It IS heroin. First it’s plans cancelled, housework neglected, stories unwritten. Next thing you know it will be forgotten husband, unfed dog and armpits you can braid. I thought I was over my addiction — until I read your story. It’s like asking a recovering alcoholic to watch a rousing game of beer pong.

    So, what’s your username? I’m just curious. That’s all 🙂

  5. January! This is GRAND! I am a WWF addict! My husband actually purged to a Starbucks barista about what an ADDICT I am! Now everytime I go in there she hands me pamphlets on addiction with my Pumpkin spice latte!😂and a knowing smile!
    Oops gotta go because FreeWilly125 just nudged me…

  6. I’m pretty sure there’s a “recovering WWF” support group. 🙂 I really like the pace of this piece. I felt the WWF climax … and then the WWF letdown, and the pull to play just one more game. Fun story!

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