Alvin’s Big Adventure

Alvin has done a lot in his 86 years.

He’s skydived in Alaska, hunted crocodiles in Florida and ran with the bulls in Pamplona.

But there’s one thing he’s NEVER done.

Until last week.

“Did you hear what your dad did?” Nina asked me, her eyes big.

“No, what?” 

“Well, he was going to McDonald’s to get his senior coffee…”

A trip to McDonald’s? Senior coffee?

This story had a lot of promise.

“Never mind, I’ll just let him tell you,” Nina said.

I met Alvin and Nina at the pickleball courts the next day.

“Did you hear?” he asked.

“Mom said something about getting coffee at McDonald’s,” I prompted.

Alvin smiled.

Nina put her hands to her mouth. “You’re never going to believe it!” 

At that point, I was starting to get concerned.

Did Alvin hold up the McDonald’s?

Give me all the senior coffee and nobody gets hurt! 

Nina nudged Alvin. “Tell her.”

Alvin’s eyes sparkled. “You know how I normally go inside because I like to talk to Larry?” (Larry is the manager.)

I nodded.

“I drove…” Alvin said, pausing for effect. “Thru!”

“And…?” 

He’s never been through the drive-thru!” Nina stated.

“You mean at this McDonald’s?” I asked.

“Anywhere,” Nina said.

I turned to Alvin. “You’ve never been through a drive-thru?”

“Nope.”

“Ever?”

“Never.”

Wow!

“Do you know about the box?” Alvin asked.

“The box?”

“You speak into a box,” Alvin explained.

I took a seat.

My seminar, “Drive-Thru for Dummies,” was beginning.

“I’m familiar with the box,” I said.

“There’s a lady in the box,” Alvin said. “You tell her what you want.”

“Can you see the lady?” I asked.

“Of course not. She’s in the box,” Alvin said.

“Then what happens?” I asked.

“You drive forward, not very far, and there’s a window with another lady,” Alvin said. 

“A different lady?” I asked.

“Yep,” Alvin said.

Nope. 

But I didn’t argue because it wasn’t my seminar.

“What do you do at the window?” I asked.

“That’s where you pay,” Alvin explained. “Do you know what happens next?” 

I raised my hand, but Alvin kept talking.

Apparently, Alvin wasn’t taking questions at this time.

“You drive a little bit farther, and there’s ANOTHER window!”

“Two windows?!” I shook my head in amazement.

“And don’t forget the box,” Alvin said. 

Like I could forget about the box.

“At the second window, guess what was waiting for me?” Alvin asked.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say, coffee.

“My coffee!” Alvin said. “And so was my…”

He trailed off, which I thought may have been for dramatic purposes.

As if this seminar needed more drama.

“Egg McMuffin,” Alvin smiled. “It was all ready to go. It’s like Maria knew I was coming!”

“Who’s Maria?” I asked.

“The lady at the window,” Alvin said, slightly annoyed.

I checked my notes. There had been no prior mention of Maria.

“I didn’t even tell you the best part,” he said. “Maria gave me a large coffee for the price of a medium coffee.”

Nina shook her head and sighed.

“It was much bigger than my regular coffee,” Alvin said. “And it was only .89.”

“No, Alvin, No!” Nina said. “It was the same size and it was .95. You don’t get better prices in the drive-thru.”

“I think you do,” Alvin said. “That’s why people go through the drive-thru.”

This went on for a while as Alvin continued to spread fake drive-thru news and Nina tried to stop him.

But hey, if you’re going to discuss hot topics, be prepared for hecklers.

“What happened after that?” I said, attempting to get the seminar back on track.

“I drove away,” Alvin said, standing up. “Okay, let’s play pickleball.”

That’s it?

Seminar over?

I still had so many questions.

Would Alvin ever see Larry again? 

Did Maria really give Alvin a large coffee for the price of a medium? 

How small do you have to be to fit into the box? 

Talk about leaving us wanting more.

Which, I guess, is the sign of a good seminar.

Well done, Alvin.